Diagnosis

My name is Carol and I'm retired after working for the State of Michigan for 32 years. I enjoy being retired, active in my church and community. The last thing I planned was this walk with breast cancer.

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My venture started in the summer of 2016 with a questionable mammogram, after the one I blew off the winter before, but to be honest this was not my first time I had ignored such screenings. After all there wasn't any breast cancer in family so I was not at risk. After two mammograms, a couple needle biopsies, and other tests, the surgeon said to me..."someday I'll have good news for you, but not today." This started my journey with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Two lumpectomies later, we determined a mastectomy was needed.

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Lesson 1: Don't put off health screenings. The sooner you know something is wrong the easier it is to treat.

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When you get such a diagnosis, there is fear and many questions. What you soon find out is that doctors don't have an easy answer for you. They try to answer, but it seems like everything is dependent on what they find in the next procedure. They sent home with a stack of booklets about cancer diagnosis, treatments, and statistics on cancer survival, but no real answers to the questions and feelings of being overwhelmed with the circumstances.

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The mastectomy was physically easier than I anticipated. What was humbling was having my son gently change my bandages. My daughter & mother helped with my care as well.

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What did surprise me was my reaction to having my left breast removed. I never thought of myself as vain. Yes, I want to look nice, but I determined long ago I was not beautiful. I battled weight all my life and I know that I am not society's idea of a beautiful woman. I am who God made me. But I cannot look in the mirror at my chest. I struggle with that.

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Chemotherapy started the week before Christmas and continued through winter. I am very fortunate that the symptoms have been managed with drugs and were not as sever as I had feared. I've had low energy so it was okay for me to sit and read a book or just take nap. I got real good at not messing up the house, so I wouldn't have to clean. 

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Lesson 2: Let people know what's happening. It's harder keeping it a secret. You need their help and prayers. By not telling people you deny them the privilege of being a service to you.

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One day I felt a prickling sensation move across my scalp. I realized my hair was dying! Then my hair started falling out. I had already decided that when the time came, i was going to shave my head. I wanted to include my grandchildren in the process because I wanted them to see that I was taking charge by shaving my hair, then the disease taking it away from me. So we made this a family event. I looked at those little ones straight on and said "this could look pretty funny so it's ok to laugh." We made something that could have been distressful into a celebration.

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What has given me this strength? I believe that God's protective grace has surrounded me through all that has happened. He has given me peace. Only by his grace have I been able to meet the days.

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Does that mean I have always been cheerful and upbeat. Nope! I have had days of whining. I have tried to look past the nausea and fatigue to see the blessings of life. 

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Lesson 3: Concentrate on the positives, it lifts our spirits so you can easily face the days.

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My crown experience

During my cancer journey I thought I was prepared for losing my hair.   What surprised me was how much that experience bothered me.   I avoided mirrors as I didn’t want to see the results.   When I received  the  crown  I felt like I was a beautiful creature — the way I  wish to appear.  After a winter of treatments and months of not feeling good, it was the most up-lifting and amazing experience – like a rose blooming! This gave me the courage to go out in public without any hats or scarves. And because of this, I have had some amazing conversations with people. 

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Where I am today

I am currently done with both chemo and radiation. They say there is no evidence of cancer but I will take maintenance drugs for several years and a life time of doctor checks and follow-up.

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