My name is Robin Prell, I am 45 years old, I am a wife, a mother to 3 children and 3 dogs, and I love riding my Harley Davidson motorcycle as often as possible.

 

This is my cancer story

In October 2016, I randomly found a lump in my left breast when I had an itch. It was tender to the touch and felt like a soft grape under my skin. My husband was concerned and asked me to have it looked at. I saw my doctor 2 weeks later and she said “good find”. She scheduled me for a mammogram and ultrasound at Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion 6 days later. They did the mammogram then brought me back for the ultrasound. I not only had 1 lump but a second lump behind the one I felt. They told me they think it’s only cysts and they weren’t concerned. I was asked to come back so they could drain them, if they collapsed like a cyst should I would be on my way, if not they would do a biopsy to rule out cancer. I came back a week later, but the mass had changed so much in 6 days they wanted to do a biopsy. I was told not to lift anything over 5 pounds for a week. This upset me because I had the biopsy on Tuesday and Thanksgiving was Thursday… how was I going to lift a 22-pound turkey to clean and stuff with this kind of restriction. I never thought it would be cancer. I received a phone call the very next day, Wednesday before Thanksgiving while at the grocery store with my daughter. I answered the call from Grand Rapids excited thinking they are going to tell me it wasn’t cancer, but the call started out with “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this over the phone just before the holiday but we need to get some appointments scheduled right away, I’m so sorry but the results came back that you have an invasive ductal carcinoma, you have triple negative breast cancer and we need to get you scheduled for a MRI of your chest this Friday and a meeting with our team of physicians from radiology, oncology and surgery to discuss a plan of action. I froze there holding my debit card… OMG, I have Breast Cancer!!!! WHAT?????

After researching my type of cancer, listening to the team of doctors at my appointments, and researching some more, I chose to have a bilateral mastectomy, 16 rounds of chemotherapy and reconstructive surgery. I did not have cancer in my lymph nodes so I could avoid radiation because I had the mastectomy. I had my bilateral mastectomy December 23, 2016. Chemotherapy started in January 24, 2017. The first 4 rounds of Adriamycin and Cytoxan or “The Red Devil” were given every other week and were brutal. I was so sick I had to go back to Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion every day for steroids and hydration. After the second round of A/C I started losing my hair. My scalp hurt so bad I decided to just shave it all off because it hurt to touch my hair or move it. I never went anywhere without a hat or wig. Not only did I lose my breasts, but now I have no hair on my head, I have sores in my mouth that make it impossible to  eat or talk right, my whole body hurts everywhere, I have no desire to eat because I am sick to my stomach, I’m completely exhausted, and I just want to quit everything, especially chemo. This was the most depressed I have ever been. I tried so hard to not let anyone see that. I had to be strong, everyone was counting on me to have a smile on my face and kick cancers ass, but inside I felt ugly, helpless, useless, not a woman anymore and I was completely sicker then I have ever been for 8 weeks straight.

 

My crown experience

Someone tagged me in a post for Crowns of Courage. They said I would be perfect for this. How could I be perfect when all I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide??? I cannot be the strong beautiful outgoing person they must be looking for.

I ignored the Crowns of Courage post on Facebook. There was no way anyone was going to see my bald head, the black lines under my eyes, no eyebrows or eyelashes, and the lack of confidence in my face. I was tagged 3 more times and told I should do it. After the 4th time I said “What the hell, they probably have enough girls anyway by now they won’t need me”. Crowns of Courage had a meeting at the studio a couple of weeks later. I decided to go because I was feeling bad about myself and wanted to see if other women were going through the same thing. When I walked in the door Dave was standing there with a huge smile and welcomed me in. He called me by my first name like he knew who I was. Dave told me he wanted to talk to me about being one of the models for the Crowns of Courage Art Prize project him, Amanda and Steve were working on. He even had my picture from Facebook in his hand. I was shocked. I thought “Is this really happening, do they really want me????” I went to the back room where I met Amanda and Steve and 4 other ladies dealing with cancer and losing their hair. Amanda gave me my first henna tattoo on my hand. One of the ladies that I now know was Melissa was in there with nothing on her head. She could care less if anyone had a problem with it and appeared to have complete confidence. I wanted that, the courage and confidence to show my head in public. As she got a crown that day I started having a bad hot flash (one of the lovely side effects of Taxol). The stocking hat I had on was not helping at all. By seeing Melissa have no problem with that beautiful bald head out I decided to stop suffering and take that stupid hat off. It felt amazing to do that outside of my home. I went back to Dave and said “I would love to be a model in your Crowns of Courage piece at ArtPrize”. We set the date for April 28th 2017.

The day had arrived and I was so excited and nervous. I felt so empowered the day I made the appointment to do this but didn’t have the same confidence as when I left that day. The week before the shoot I completely lost my eyebrows and eyelashes so the confidence level was low. I walked in and there was Dave with a huge smile on his face, ready to get this started. We sat down and made a video. Next Jessica applied makeup on me. I asked her to work some magic and give me eyebrows if she could. Once the makeup was on Amanda and Steve asked me questions about my likes and things that make me happy. I love fall leaves, the colors are so beautiful. I also love riding my Harley. I feel so relaxed out on the road with the wind in my face and 2 wheels on the ground. Steve had a smile on his face and him and Amanda went to work. I had no idea what my head or face was going to look like but they were super excited about. Once they finished it was time for the reveal. I sat there for around 3 hours and had no idea what to expect. I stood up, went to the mirror and OMG, look at me!!!!! I had eyebrows & eyelashes and they looked real, my dark circles were gone and you couldn’t see how sick I was. Then the Crown, it was Absolutely Amazing!!! Steve grabbed a picture of my motorcycle and drew it on the back of my head, along with a tree and tons of leaves wrapping around my head. Amanda worked on my hands and arms giving me some beautiful leaves. They both added color to their art with the leaves and sky on top of my head. It was amazing to see what they created. I had to hold back the tears and it was hard. To transform me from a very sick person battling Cancer to someone I used to know and make me look that good minus the hair was just incredible. I couldn’t wait to go show it off, but first the photo shoot. Dave had me do all kinds of poses. I’ve only ever taken family photos so this was completely new for me. We laughed and had a great time, I forgot for hours how sick I was, I felt beautiful, happy, healthy and confident and most of all important. It is so hard to make someone so sick feel that good.

My husband and I left the studio and straight out to eat. We got out of the car and up to the door. I paused, this would be the first time I purposely went out in public without a hat or wig. We walked in and all eyes were on me. I think I had a strut when I walked, I wasn’t embarrassed at all, I wanted people to see my head and the art Amanda and Steve put on that melon of mine. The waitress came up and asked if it was real. I explained it was henna and she smiled and told me it was beautiful and I looked amazing. I think I smiled the entire time we were there. For the first time in a long time I felt good about myself.

This has been an experience I wish everyone battling cancer could experience. I still get excited talking to people about how it felt that day. Now we are in ArtPrize and I had the chance to talk to many strangers about it. I’ve watched complete strangers tear up when I tell my story. They have seen their friends and family members struggle battling cancer. I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to that meeting. Sharing my story, hearing others stories, and just being a part of this gives me the confidence I needed to get over the fact I lost my hair. I feel happy knowing I was a part of this project and hopefully can help someone else with my story.

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Where I am today

My next step is reconstructive surgery on December 15, 2017. I will be going to Royal Oak for a Diep Flap breast reconstruction. This will be a 6-8-hour surgery with 3 days in ICU and 2 more in a regular hospital room. I will have 2 more smaller surgeries after that for nipple reconstruction, tattooing nipple and areola color, and any touch ups needed. I see my doctors every 3 months for the next 2 years. So far my future looks good and hopefully cancer free.